MTV Jersey Shore Unleashed: Girl Gets Punched

2009-12-12T18:31:00.001-08:00

Quotes From The First Episode of MTV's Jersey Shore

2009-12-11T20:56:00.000-08:00

Pauly D aka "DJ Pauly D"

"I was born and raised a Guido, its just a lifestyle, its being Italian, (slight hesitation) its representing, umm, (more hesitation) family, Friends, Tanning, gel, everything." (SICK DUDE)

"I got a F$%ing tanning bed at my place. That's how serious I am about being a Guido, and living up to the lifestyle"

"It takes me about 25 minutes to do my hair. It comes out perfect every time."

"There's no way I'm going to jersey without my hair gel"

"Out here in Rhode Island, Guidos, when we stop, our chrome keeps spinnin" (Real original. Who do you think you are? Three-six Mafia.)

"My tag line is I'm your girls favorite DJ." (Once again, not original)

"I want the guidettes to C@# in their pants when they hear my music"

"I don't try to take a lot of guys girls friends, but it just happens. They'll break up with him for me"

Nicole aka "Snookie"

"I want to marry a Guido. My ultimate dream is to move to jersey, find a nice juiced, hot, tanned guy, and live my life" (Dream big girl)

"I'm going to the jersey shore, BITCHH. GUIDOOOS"

"I like tan Italian boys with muscles" (she wouldn't be into me)

"GUIDO APPLICATIONS ACCEPTED, OVER HERE!"

"Guidos everywhere, hot girls, and house music"

"Size does not matter, even though I'm small, I have loud mouth, I stick up for myself, and I don't give a S%@$"

Mike aka The Situation

"You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to someone who pretty much looks like Rambo with his shirt off. (lifts shirt to show the effect of steroids)

"This is the situation right here (again lifts shirt), its just my abs are so ripped up, its called the situation.

" I am a good looking well groomed Italian who is really god with the ladies" (modesty at its best)

" I check out the mirror, and like WEWWWW, its going to be a good day"

"We usually work out at leasst five days a week." "If I walked in the door and seen myself, Id probably grab my girl real quick"

Sammy aka Sweetheart

"My number one mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home" (the girl who claims not to be trashy)

"Im the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not F8%$ with me." (look forward to it)

"Im known around town asss Sammy Sweetheart." (how much)

"Im not looking for mr. rightt. I am looking to break alot of hearts, and get with alot of good, hott, sexy guidos."

"The smaller the shorts the better, because all the little guidos guys out there love themm"

"I can never go out without my hair extensions"

"A guidette is someone who knows how to club it up, takes reallly good care of themselves, has pretty hair, put on make up, has tan skin, wears the hottest heels" (wow suprisisingly you sound pretty low maintenace)(low maintenance: my type of girl)

"If your not a guido you can get the F&%$ out of my face"

Jennie aka JWOWW

"I'm like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip his head off"
(yes that is that funny looking insect, that oddly enough she looks like)

Vinny (he seems like the only with a head on his shoulders)

"Guys with blow-outs, and the fake tan, lip gloss, and make-up, aren't guidos. Those guys are F^%$ heads!" (well put)

Ronnie aka Ronnie

"Bank account may be loww, but you always have to look fresh"

Angelina

"I don't have to do what I don't want to do. I'm a bartender, you know, I do great things." (completely serious)

"I'm like the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island Baby"

Time To Rip Into MTV's Jersey Shore

2009-12-05T16:31:00.000-08:00

I know what your thinking, how could MTV's Jersey Shore get any more humorous than it already is. Well It can. Because I feel so strongly about how ridiculously far from reality, and ignorant all eight of these meat heads are, that I've decided to document every last drop of stupidity. Yea thats right, just the stupid stuff, none of this "Guidrama" bull.

So now instead of wasting your time watching the show, you can just let me recap all the highlights for you. And by highlights I mean lots of jagerbombs, fist pumping, hairgel, and knocking biddies out (not cool).

Before we go any further, let me clear the air by saying, I have nothing against any Guidos or Guidettes (Italians you idiot). Infact, I find their culture to be fascinating. Unfortunately, all eight douchebags on MTV's Jersey Shore don't have a clue of their history, let alone how to spell the word herritage, or guido for that matter. So without further ado...

Let the fist pumping begin!